“To feel” Disclaimer: I am going through my drafts and posting unpublished posts. This may be written a month ago, or years back, so no need to link this to a face you know (or even to you).
I’m jealous of a place only because you are in it without me. I’m jealous of the place that gets to spend time with you, that gets to see you when I am only damned to a few hours with you. I am jealous of the time that passes that you don’t talk to me in.
Do you ever get that feeling? That even though you just saw this person, you still can’t get enough of them. And you don’t know if it’s reciprocal. I don’t know if you feel the same way, or if you lust for extra time with me, or not. I know you like spending time with me, but lately I’ve been feeling too much and a little more than I want to.
I just want to see you more. I want you to talk to me now and always. I want to see you, a lot it’s killing me. I know I just saw and talked to you a few hours back, and I know I saw you this week more than usual, but I want to see you more. I want you to look at me as you do, and talk to me as you do, I want to make your eyes smile and make you laugh.
I want you to be here with me. Talk to me, tell me everything. I’m listening. I always listen to everything you say, and even if I was not as focused at the moment, I replay the whole conversation in my head when I’m alone thinking of you and thinking of how much I want to know more.
I have a sudden urge to tell you everything, tell you how I am feeling and tell you I want to see you more. What could go wrong? You not wanting to see me? Would you do that? Would you keep distance? I don’t want to scare you, I don’t really want anything of you, just a few extra days of being with you, is that too much to ask for?
The thing is, I don’t even know what I’m feeling. I’ve been in love before, and this is not how it felt like. You’re just extremely safe. Today at my coldest moment, the only person I could think of to keep me safe was you. I haven’t felt this way about you for a while, but today as I watched you do your thing, and as you left me and as I lived through anxious moments, I only thought of you.
I don’t know what I’m feeling, but I know that I love everything about you. My favorite thing is your smile, you talking to me, and your smell. Oh God, your smell. I could think of your smell for hours.
Please, let me see you this week. Let us talk. Ask to see me, because I’m too proud to ask. Please ask to see me, I’m begging you. Right now, at the moment, there is nothing I want more than to see you in a few days. Please. If I don’t see you this week, I won’t see you in two weeks, and this pains me.