Chirp chirp chirp.
Well, hi? It’s been more than two months *gulp*, and I have no justification. I’ve relapsed a bit the past two months and had a lot of serene moments and incredible getaways, and I found love like I have never found before, and I unconsciously chose to stop writing in here, and I don’t know how to come back.
I say that I have been over my head with work, and my personal life was too loud to silence it here, and it has just been so “aaahh” with everything, but I know if I wanted to, I would have.
I’m not proud of this, believe me. In 23 days, this baby will turn one year, and I haven’t reached 100 posts yet, and I have 14 unfinished posts saved as drafts, so that’s quite disappointing. Nour, I am disappointed.
It’s just, the idea that I have 14 unfinished posts is a burden because that means unfinished work, and I. can’t. with. unfinished. work. Unfinished work sounds like a lack of responsibility, and it puts more pressure on me.
When will I stop fighting with myself over things like this? I set high expectations for myself, unrealistic responsibilities, self-pressure myself to do the most absurd tasks, and then dramatically break down in puddles of tears and self-loathe when I don’t meet any of them. Fun, ain’t it?
Well, if anything, I am doing well. I am healthy again, I have lost the extra weight ;), I’m eating well and walking more, Diane has been here for a month and a half, and it’s been quite busy in the lands of not-knowing-what-I-am-not-knowing-what-to-do. I am taking leaves, more than I feel I need, and I have been prioritizing myself to an extinct where people are fighting me for “not caring enough.”
I’m dealing with new stressors and new problems that I still do not know how to fathom or deal with without pulling somebody’s eye out, crying for five days straight, or shopping until my bank account drops. And I must add, I have been eating delicious food the past week, so so good.
I plan on reaching 100 posts before nourslittleuniverse’s birthday, so bear with me with *gulps loudly* spam of nonsense, I hope. I have A LOT to share with you, but not sure how or where to start.
Let’s meet again tomorrow, shall we?