I miss you, and you aren’t exactly a person or even a place; I miss the feeling of wholesomeness that I felt around these certain people in this certain place at this certain time. I miss feeling alive on the deadliest days and in times where the county is falling to pieces and my community is starving for air; I miss the moments where I felt like I had it all.

I miss you for what I was when I was around you. I miss you for what you did to me without doing anything, for all the endless nights of singing our hearts out in the car, and for the mornings where you smiled at me, and it made me feel like the fire around me, it is worth living in.

Even the pain that lingered herein felt better than the delicious coffee I am drinking right now and the void I am feeling.

It was simple, candlelights and a lot to say, and the void that was slowly taking over was creeping away with the wolves of the full moon.

Right now, it’s content; it is okay. I am drinking cold coffee, which isn’t usually my scene, and I have been listening to System Of A Down more than usual, and I am reading books(!). I had wonderful conversations, and I ate tabbouleh today for lunch; and I’m learning new things at work and taking more responsibilities, and I am feeling dead.

“I wonder if I’ll always feel weak when I go to the places that we used to be”

Was it all in my head? It seemed like I was floating. I lost the adrenaline rush, the excitement to be alive. I’m not doing bad now, not at all, it just that I lost it, I lost the spark.

I was updating my calendar today and believe me, the past month I was running 28 hours a day, it was so loud and I think it’s only fair to feel this piercing silence right now. Here’s a look at July in comparison to August and September:

July:

August & September:

It’s fine; there are bigger problems in the world, whatever; I just wish my problem is big enough for this world, as much as my feelings are.

Exciting things ahead, we’ll talk more. <3