It’s my pineapple and mango candle.
Just showered, and my hot and long shower gave me a bit of energy I have not felt for the past four days. I just ate the remaining of my 3-day old Japanese cheesecake, brushed my teeth, hugged mum, and right now I lit my candle and I am smelling the sweet scents of mangos.
It was draining, the past two weeks, and even though I’ve had beautiful days, I still haven’t recovered and this affected my anxiety, a lot. Yesterday my social anxiety was at its peak that it reminded me of a particular horrid night back in 2017 and right now I feel a bit discouraged. How come I am still going through stuff I went through in 2017, despite my surreal efforts of working on myself and being? Aren’t I supposed to be growing, moving forward, and not regressing?
Meh, I guess I’m a bit harder to fix. It’s exhausting. It’s not that I expect myself to be a monk within two years, but at least leave the past in the past. I cannot keep going through the same things and hide in the turtle shell I have built.
It’s Thursday. The idea of work tomorrow and the 2 weeks old unopened emails is making my brain hurt. I am looking forward to a slow weekend, where even if I didn’t go out, I would still have time to reflect and reminisce, I usually need this to keep the memories alive and the reasons to not die, eccentric?