My first Memories of You* post will be dedicated to you because you are so beautiful, I must admit it. I listen to this song you have given me, and I am enchanted by her voice and the idea that you listen to it too, you, the safest to my soul and closest to my heart. You, the one who stayed through all the trauma and tears and sicknesses.
You saw me for who I am, at my worst, at my lowest, my most selfish, my greediest, my most insecure, and you stayed.
If I had to talk about one moment, I would write about that one night in October 2020. We were in a car driving back from Beqaa. We were in a car with around six other people, and we were talking, and at some point amidst our discussion, I started crying because my unsafety was triggered. I felt embarrassed. I was with what I thought was an amazing group of friends, like-minded, funny, and wise, and here I was crying because of stupidity and unresolved childish issues.
You were so warm, looking at me with those angelic eyes and trying to make me feel better with your comforting words. You talked me back to reality, smiled at me, and dedicated the whole ride to ensuring I felt better. That is when we became close; I think, in a way, you developed a feeling of protectiveness over me. And I liked it.
A month after, you gifted me a jar of small letters you had written for me to read, one every day for the coming month or two. Some notes were songs, words of motivation, memories, jokes, outing invitations, and compliments. The last letter I opened was:
“18/10/2020, 8:14pm, you were close to me.”
When I opened the letter, I did not understand it at first. I went back to my photos to see what happened on October 18, 2020, and I found that it was the day I cried in the car. You remembered everything, the time, the date, and then you felt close to me.
We were already very close then, but the letter touched my heart to a point it ached. For someone to remember details, you yourself were too embarrassed to remember, and write it on paper, so it burns in our memories forever, that as one memory that you were at your most beautiful.
I always introduce you as an angel. I say: “all people are on the one hand, and you, an angel, are on the other hand.” You’ve been sunshine throughout the darkness, with your songs and laughs, philosophical rambles, and undying sassiness, and I am so grateful for you.
I love you a lot, more than you could ever imagine, more than I can understand. I pray never to lose you; I pray that you remain the still rock you have been for the past two years amid of field of dandelions. I pray that you stay close, despite my horridness, despite all that I put you through. I pray that you stay close.
I have countless memories of you that I would like to remember you by. I will probably write many other Memory of You excerpts about you. In due time.
*Memories of You is a series of excerpts archiving moments with different people who have touched my heart at a certain point in my life.
