One look you gave me
And I understood
It was clear
Very clear
That hand of yours
Is no longer for me
It was obvious
From the look you gave me
That I am done, I am free
I shall no longer think of you
Whenever I think of me
And you think that this is what I want
That is what will let me be
Unaware that there is no sunshine anymore
That I no longer feel happy
That the cold hand of yours
Did not feel like mine anymore
That cold heart of yours
Were as cold as the Baltic shores
Were as cold as the first drop of rain
On a day in May
The inflicting pain
Writhing in me every day
I looked at you
Straight in the eyes
Crying
Begging that I be anywhere
And everywhere
But any place
Not here
Sitting in front of you as you wait for me to speak
The unforgivable sin
The momently bleak
It was dark, and not just the way you made me weak
The room was dark, the lights were off
I could see you vaguely from all the tears
And the ugly sun from the balcony
Flashing your eyes so unashamed
Looking at me as though I am naked and hideous
As though I am the most disgusting being you see
As though whatever you see, you wish to unsee
As though if it were me and you sitting next to a sea
You rather throw me to the sea
Than take another look
At me
So I spoke the words you wanted to hear
And I waited, heart dropped to my legs
I waited in fear
Knees weak
Storms wreaked havoc
Vision bleak
And I thought, surely, you would not leave me
But you did.
You sat right in front of me
Skin dripping torrential poison
You sat one inch away
Held me to your chest
Took me sincerely
Spoke so delicately
Whispered to my ears
All the words I did not want to hear
You held me, but I could feel like you were no longer here
That I am hanging on a dead body
A body that no longer breathes for me
The warmth I was addicted to
The safety I preached
Was packed in a suitcase at the other end of the room
Waiting for a deserving person
To unpack
And I lied there, clenching my chest
Praying that you stay
That all the words you said
To please, unsay
I sobbed to the corpse I killed
Begging for forgiveness
Begging that whatever happened
Could not happen
Begging that the sun did not shine that day,
That we are still stuck on the first rain in May
That I no longer loved you
That the pain in me,
Would someday free me?
That you are happy, without me,
That you hold her hand and you feel complete
In a way, you never felt