I’m doing it again. I’m working for 15 hours a day with merely any exhaustion.
It’s just; I seriously get high on work. I can procrastinate for so long, lay lazily in one posture for hours, feel bothered if anyone asked me to move from my place. Yet, at the same time, I can work nonstop for days without sleep if my body lets me.
Society often romanticizes overworking yourself, working beyond hours, overnights, and it’s so, so, wrong. Overworking yourself might achieve prosperity earlier than expected but at your own expense. Trust me; I learned this the hard way.
I know it can be almost impossible not to overwork ourselves given the work we have; a lot of times, there is just so much to do and so little time. I think what I am trying to say here is that it is okay to slack on some duties and studies if it means you’ll protect yourself from a potential collapse.
We need to fight the urge to work past our own ability; we need to urge more healthy sleeping and fewer overnights, more healthy eating, less caffeine consumption, more structured schedules, and fewer tasks. It’s vital to prioritize your mental health over your work or education; you wouldn’t want to burnout, because that mess is pretty frightening.
I’m writing this, and I know I’m a hypocrite; I would do all that, even during weekends. I would only drink caffeine drinks without eating all day, work for hours without any break, welcome new tasks over my jammed schedule with open arms, eliminate any chance of social or romantic life, and only log off when I finish everything on my to-do list, even if it’s 2 am and the first time I logged in was 8 am the day before.
I don’t do that anymore, or at least, I am trying to improve. In 2020, I burned myself out, and that is when major depression, anxiety, and panic attacks took over my life, blazing all my attempts of ever becoming a decent person. I literally had to rebuild my life, personality, identity, mental health, and points of view from the very start. It felt as if I am a newborn child with a 22 years old body, exploring everything in a world everybody knows what they’re doing, except me.
It wasn’t pretty; it really wasn’t. I’m still trying to fix what was destroyed, and all of that is because I chose to overwork myself. It’s not that we can work for days nonstop; we literally, physically, and mentally cannot. Our brain shuts down at one point, leaving us to deal with consequences.
I could go into the simple scientific reasons behind burnout, in my own basic words. Still, I think it’s better to read about it from professionals (do add to the signs and symptoms: MAJOR fear, anxiety, and panic). Also, here they explain the 5 stages of burnout, which I think is very useful to know.
This week has been an exception in my road to recovery, and today specifically has been brutal. I started working at 9 am, and here I am, at 12:38 am, just finished everything I had to do, and I have the urge to start with tomorrow’s tasks. It’s addictive, for all the wrong reasons, but workaholism is a thing.
I think one of the things I like about my current job is that it is comfortable. I am normally not one to choose jobs according to comfort, I would welcome jobs with 10+ hours a day if they make me happy- and dear God, I did. Even though a 10+ hours job gives so much satisfaction (before the burnout), it dismisses all other enjoyments and necessities in life, like weekends, family time, or friends.
Ever since I started this job, I am taking care of myself. I have more time for myself and the people I love, and I am going to therapy, and I am spending more time with my family, and I even created a blog!
I even have time to read and watch old movies on my movie list. I sleep early and wake up early. I have more time to listen to my friends’ problems and be there for them. I have time to do extracurricular activities for FoodBlessed, voluntarily, and I actually have time to reply to people’s texts.
I think all this is great; being happy is to be healthy and lead a content life. I still overwork myself now and then, but not as critical as before. Say I have FoodBlessed meetings, I would compile them all in one or two days, which are the days I go to the office, so I would have everything to do in one day and then have the rest of the days working from the comfort of my bed. On the extra hours day, I would make sure to walk and drink coffee from a cafe I like, which may not be the healthiest thing to do, but I do that out of self-care, which I guess counts as half a bonus point.
Let us fight the trend of going on days without rest. There is nothing glamorous about bad mental health behaviors, it will kill you alive, and I would hate to see you die.