i know you’re not okay now, and i know we’re going through very difficult time, and i know what i am going through is maybe a very small percentage of your pain, but i’m here for you, there’s nothing that i won’t do to see you well again.
i know you’re scared, even though you don’t show it. i know all of this is scaring you, and even creating anxiety. the doctor told us that a certain thing in your tests were high wich is most likely due to you being scared, why don’t you tell me that you’re scared?
i saw that look in your eyes on monday, i know that anxious look, i saw how you reacted at 1am in that ugly sad emergency room, as if the wall was closing in on you; you were panicking and i could see it. and i am so lucky to have been there with you, i am so lucky to have you in my life.
this will pass, i promise. it won’t be the end, i need you to promise me it won’t be the end. i need you to pull through, i need you to fight harder, because i cannot bear the idea of losing you. i’m so weak, and i can’t do it on my own. there’s still so much i want to learn from you, so much i want to hear, there’s so much i still want of you and i am too weak to lose you.
stay here, don’t leave me. stay here for a couple of decades more, stay here next to me as if there is nothing better to do than hold my hands and offer me oranges. stay here because everything i do and everything i’ve done is revolved around you and if i lose you the earth will stop spinning around me.
i promise i’ll behave. i’ll be good. i’ll listen to everything you want to tell me, even all the things i don’t like to hear. i’ll try to eat healthier, i’ll reduce my caffeine consumption. i promise i’ll stop doing all the things you don’t like.
i promise to stop wearing your sweaters, or at least put them back in your closet when i’m done. i offered you one of my sweaters, which would look great on you, but you wouldn’t take it. so really, it’s not my fault that you didn’t accept kind favors.
what do you want from me? please let me know. tell me how i can help ease the pain, tell me what i can do to take all your sickness away. i swear i’ll do it, i’ll do everything to stop the sadness in your eyes and the fatigue in your bones. i’ll do whatever to crush the thing that is crushing you.
i look at people who have lost a family members and years later are smiling and doing well. how do they do it? how can the sun shine in the morning? i don’t know how people do it, but i can’t. i’m not strong, i’m very weak.
i promise to be better. i promise to be everything you ever want me to be. i promise. but please, please, please, come back to me. please feel better. please defeat this and come back to me healthy and so almighty.
i love you, please stay with me now and for infinity. please