Hey, It’s been a while. Sorry about that. It’s an apology to myself – for failing to stick to the happy place that is this blog, for letting things get in the way of my well-being, and for the therapeutic feeling I get writing here.
I will be back very soon, after the feeling of shame fades away. How have you been? I hope you’re okay. I hope you’re in your happy place right now, listening to your music, sending memes to your friends, drinking your coffee, or thinking of the delicious food you will be having for iftar. I hope you are happy; I hope you are well.
Personally, right now, I could be better. Don’t get me wrong; I have not been slothing in bed for the past four months; I’ve been busy, I promise. Too busy that I don’t know where to start. Many things have happened, none that I have been able to fathom yet. But that’s an existential crisis my therapy has to deal with.
I’ve had melancholy days, and I have had breathtaking ones. People have changed, settings have differed, and time had passed when I didn’t want it the most. I hope I can tell you about some, some time.
I haven’t cried for the past four months, except once, because of workload. Everybody who knows me knows that I cry, a lot. It’s the only way I know how to express myself in, and, well, I am a professional crybaby at best.
I did cry, though, yesterday night, a bit too much. It was kind of a relapse, and I only slept for two hours because my morning anxiety woke me up at 5 am, and I could not fall back asleep, and I cried a little more as the sun came and I am yet again faced with another day. It is what it is, I guess.
I will be coming back soon, and I promise I won’t only share the bad feelings. I know that I always break my promises, but maybe this time, I will not break them. Perhaps this time, I actually commit.
I want to start reading books again, I have wanted to for a while, but I haven’t really had the time. I will be reading books again, and to motivate myself to read more and write more, every time I learn a new word, I will dedicate a post to it. It will be a kind of “put this word in a sentence/paragraph” thing.
I’m currently working from home, but I will be going to office after my car is back from the insurance company. I have a political cafe at 6:30pm with partners and donors, and at 8:300pm work dinner at an Armenian restaurant, but my sleep deprivation, puffy eyes, aching heart, and anxiety sure are not the social fuel I expected to have today. I am so close to apologizing for the political cafe and dinner, and burying myself in bed until eternity. You have no idea how tempting this is and how weak I am, but I am giving myself the benefit of strength. (:
For now, thank you. Thank you, you beautiful creatures who have asked me when I will be back; thank you to all of you who told me that you read this trashy scrapbook and that you actually took a millisecond of your time to care enough tell me that I need to write again. I never realized how many people read this, friends and non-friends, before this hiatus. Thank you for sharing with me the closest thing to my heart, my love of words.
Best,