A peace of morning

A peace of morning was written on October 8, 2022.

I’m at this fancy hotel café, drinking sparkling water, waiting for my Belgian waffles and shakshuka, and I can hear crows.

Odd world, do you not agree?

Last week has been, well, not a typical week of the life of nour. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still uptight as fuck, but I tried to tune down my overthinking, and I lived a little.

I’ve been in Georgia for eight days now, walking in every nook and cranny until my feet bleed, listening to the noise of the city, and my music. I made so many friends, saw incredible nature, ate good food, went out on a date with a Russian guy, almost went out with a Georgian guy, visited Armenia, and Georgia’s countryside, and got a tattoo.

Remember the compass tattoo I mentioned briefly two years ago? Well, I finally got it. And I am absolutely in love with it.

It was all so sudden. I was with my American friend shopping at the flea market – which I am obsessed with by the way – and he just had the most remarkable exotic tattoo on his thigh, so I complimented it, and he told me that he actually did it here in Tbilisi. The tattoo artist is from Belarus, and she moved three months ago to Georgia and her work is nothing I’ve ever seen. So I booked an appointment on the same evening, and I got my compass (!).

For those of you who do not know the story of the compass, I’ve always suffered from existential and identity crisis, meaning, I never know who I am, what I want, or if this is really what I want from my life. I am scared, and anxious, most of the time, and I am forever searching for safety.

What is safety? Well, for me, safety is people, most of the time.

And as we all know, people leave, so when you associate your safety with people, you constantly find yourself unsafe and scared. And if you associate your safety with a place, you feel stuck, and being stuck is another crisis for me. So, as you see, I am still searching for safety.

And that is why I wanted to get a compass as a tattoo. Because a compass guides you to where you want, it takes you to the one thing you are searching for. And I want it to guide me to safety. My compass tattoo is a reminder for me that, on my darkest days, in my bleakest thoughts, I will look at it, and I will know that one day hopefully, it will guide me home.

Poetic, is it? Sorry, I’m just feeling serene. Currently, I am listening to I am scared of commitment by Jadal, which is ironic, and my breakfast i here. After breakfast, I am going to the flea market, for the third time this week :), and then visiting some abandoned haunted houses, then maybe meeting a friend over coffee.

The weather is magical, at least to me, there is no sun, and I am wearing a sweater. It’s a well day spent Saturday.

Adios now, I want to eat.