Leave. Don’t stay in your place and contemplate all the possible ways your bed can comfort you to death. You need to leave and be with people.
I know this is not what you want, what it’s telling you. I know it’s telling you that being with people is the worst thing you can do; it’s telling you that you are the safest if you stayed alone, in your bed, chair, in your place where no one can alleviate your fear and what it makes you feel.
This is not true.
When you’re alone, it’s where it can shine bright. Just like fungus, it needs darkness to grow and cling to your skin. It’s when you’re all alone that it’s the strongest; it can convince you that you’re the reason the world is so ugly and that it’s all your fault, everything’s all your fault. It can convince you that the minor setback you had is the biggest mistake in the world. It’ll feed on your fear, on your loneliness, on the fact that no one can help, no one is here to save you.
So leave. Get out of your bed, be with people. They can never hurt you the way it can; they can never do to you what it’s doing to you when you’re all alone drowning in your thoughts.
Be with people. Drink coffee with your mum and listen to her complain about your sister coming home late. Annoy your sister while she studies and talks to her about nonsense and listen to her complain about your mother complaining about her coming home late.
Or talk to her, if she understands, tell her how you’re feeling and what’s troubling you; it’s always best to let someone walk you through the problem, tell you that it’s not as big as you think it is. Let her tell you that it’ll be alright; let her give you solutions and reasons why you shouldn’t worry. Talk, acknowledge, feel the safety of the people around you.
Whatever you do, don’t stay in your place, don’t stay alone. Be with people, whoever they are. It can be the friends you love but didn’t have the energy to see, or the family gathering you were trying to avoid. Anything that makes you leave your bed. Anything but staying alone.
I don’t have great advice on anxiety, as I still can’t find my way out myself, but one thing I am more than sure of is that it is much more vicious when I’m alone. It feeds on my insecurities, and convinces me of the worst, and makes me believe that I should not leave my bed because leaving is unsafe, and that leaving would only make me feel weak and exposed. But it never is; being with people is always the better option, always better than staying alone. I promise.