I have a problem with beginnings.
Not in the poetic kind of way, but just beginnings in general. Like for example the first paragraph of a blog – how should I begin? Why can’t I just start from the middle?
Beginnings are horrible. They’re scary and unclear. But endings are even worse. Why can’t we just stay in the middle?
I think we suffer greatly when we begin, and then ache when we end. Whether it’s starting a job or losing a job, starting a friendship or losing a friendship, starting a new life and ending an old life. Both are pain, in their own way.
And I am stuck here. Where I feel like everything is ending but nothing is beginning. I feel like I’m being thrown off a plane, with the pilot telling me that once I jump to the sky, they’ll throw me a parachute. But who’s to know if i’ll be catching the parachute? No guarantee.
And you know what happens when I feel like I am losing a piece of me? I become self destructive, and I would destroy everything nice in my life because the loss is too much for me to function normally so I decide to greaten my loss and lose everything I touch and built, and everyone I cared about.