I’m sorry that I take you for granted whenever you are around and then miss you so much when you’re not near me. It’s just my mind is a big bubble of noise, and I’m so distracted and loud most of the time that I need to shut everything out and focus on one thing, and often this leads to me neglecting you because maybe you are not loud enough, but I still love you the most.
Right now, as we are talking and I am not sure if you are serious or if you’re talking like always and I’m just over-emotional, or if you actually were upset and I didn’t feel it, and now you don’t want to be here anymore and, oh God, please don’t leave me.
You are the safest amongst everyone, and maybe this is why I don’t give you attention as much as I want to because I take you for granted. I know that you are here, which makes me neglect you because your safety keeps me going, and losing you would be like losing the light in me. You leaving would be the most exhausting thing to me; you’d take away my light.
If you can picture a major caffeine addict sitting under a blanket with a cup of coffee and shaking hands, head, body, trembling so hard that coffee is spilling from the cup. Eyes so crazy you would think they are searching for something, but they’re actually only looking for safety. That’s me; that is how I actually am inside my head, all the time. I would be sitting so still and sane, but the insanity of the coffee addict inside of me is squealing in my ears, and because of that, I might neglect you.
But please stay here, give me the benefit of the doubt; I know you’re good at this. You are an angel, you’re the gift of God to me, and I love your existence so much that a mundane word you just said has made me write all of this. But I wouldn’t tell you because I don’t even know if there’s anything behind all this, and I wouldn’t even know what to say.
I know one thing, it would really hurt me if you leave, and if it’s true that you really care about me, you wouldn’t want that.