I have a hard time juggling between not overworking myself and not procrastinating for 24 hours straight. How can people find common ground? When they’re productive and do something useful because they actually want to, like paint and compose music?
Today was one of the laziest days ever, I almost napped 6 times during noon, and I spent a lot of time on my phone, and I really hate consuming so much screen time, so I’m not so proud of myself.
Is it just me who feels disgusted when I spend more than 4 hours of screen time? I literally feel so ashamed of myself, the same feeling I get when I overeat just because I can not because I’m hungry—the same feeling of shame and disgrace.
I try to convince myself that I also spent a lot of time today reading on my phone, but we all know it’s not an excuse. You could have started your application to Europe, nour, instead of spending an hour searching for furnished apartments rental in Amman.
Nonetheless, it was a good day. I’ve been getting so many sweet comments on this little messy blog this week, including two people who have been inspired to create a blog on their own, and it makes my heart very, very happy, so thank you, my lovelies, my heart sends you hugs and kisses 🙂
Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream
Make her the cutest that I’ve ever seen
Give her two lips like roses and clover
And tell her that her lonely nights are over
Mr. Sandman – SYML
Also, did you know that this song exists? Because, wow. I am so absolutely in love with everything about the song, from the lyrics to his voice to the rhythm to the slow piano playing in the background. If you’re feeling a little more cheerful, you can listen to the original song by The Chordettes, but for me, I heart SYML cover.
Also, I don’t know if you noticed, but I just discovered that I can change colors. That’s cool.
What else?
Well, I also discovered that my big sister reads my blog too, and she was shocked when I told her that all the photos I use here (except the el far3i photo and the Audrey Hepburn ones, of course) are taken by me, so for clarification, if anyone else thought that I Google the photos, I do not.
Also, the lockdown has been lifted, starting tomorrow, which means that some of my mental instability will also return, which I find strange because I have noticed that during lockdowns, the voices in my head kind of take a break, and then they return once everything is back to normal.
I think it started tonight, and I don’t want that. I found myself overthinking an absurd text, the person behind it, and whether I’m anticipating something that does not exist, but I’m back to my usual “nour” habits; put more into something that is not even there, and believe it.
I think I will try this time to change my ways. My supervisor won’t work from the office tomorrow and is letting me decide whether I want to work from the office or home. I’m going to choose office tomorrow, because I have so many tasks I need to focus on behind a desk, and because this is not the choice I would have chosen had I not decide to change my ways.
One of the main reasons I am happy that the lockdown is over is because I can return to my coffeeshops, back to drinking coffee as I walk long roads only because it’s cold and I want to enjoy every bit of the frisky wind. For that, I have decided that I will give myself a reason to live every week, starting this week.
The reasons to live aren’t going to be major, like saving a cat or eliminating hunger; they will be minor and simple chores that personally keep me going throughout the week without feeling like drowning myself under the shower.
This week, after finishing work, I will be visiting one coffeeshop and getting my favorite coffee from theirs to go. The coffeeshops in mind:
- Concierge
- Backburner
- Starbucks (because Christmas cups and I’m very mainstream)
- B Hive
- The Daily Roast, or a random espresso place
- 3ammo Abou Mohammad’s coffee, if I had anything to do near FoodBlessed office.