Have you ever heard of the Madonna-Whore complex? It’s a psychological term that Sigmund Freud identified in describing women’s depiction by men who love the “purity” of women yet desire the “sensuality” of another.
According to The Latch, “way back in the early 1900s, Freud identified a psychological dichotomy in his male patients known as the Madonna-Whore complex. Men (back then, but relevant to all genders now) with this complex saw women as either saints or prostitutes, loving the first and desiring the second — though never intertwining both.”
We live, observe, and experience the reality of this every day but often enough, we never put a name on it. If it were to be discussed by-God forbid-women and girls, the reality is often ridiculed, called “a man’s nature,” and the girl or woman is shamed for having any thought regarding sex and misogyny.
Thanks to my job, I am no longer ashamed of talking about women’s right to adequate sexual reproduction and health. Periods and women’s needs have long been stigmatized that women themselves are stuck between a pretense of virtue and mere human nature.
The Madonna-Whore dichotomy is a vibrant concept in our modern Lebanese society, with so many men advocating for women’s rights yet would not wed a “non-virgin.” It is absolutely ridiculous and mundane how a women’s “eligibility” is based on abstracts and gender bias that are long fed within societies and communities.
Whatever one’s opinion on premarital sex is not relevant to the argument that girls should not be labeled “dirty” or “too slutty” for marriage. This is not the point. The point is that girls should not be labeled as Madonnas or Whores, they can be any of them, and they can be both simultaneously, and all that should not make any difference in a girl’s image and should definitely not put her a victim of obscene remarks.
The polarization of the Madonna-Whore concept forces women to be defined as either a slut or a virgin. This is a gross dehumanization of women and is indeed degrading of men’s Madonnas, to the very least. What baffles me is that men want Madonnas as wives because “they have not been touched,” which basically is an indication that men see their “pure women” as sex icons and therefore contradict their whole belief!
I once watched a live documentary about a human trafficking house in Lebanon. Part of the documentary was real interviews of men asked by the interviewer if they are married, and if the answer is yes, why they seek prostitution. “I am eating chicken every day; sometimes I want to eat meat. Is that so wrong?” One man answered.
In short, men want to marry girls who are too “clean” to have been touched by anyone yet are praised for their sexual endeavors. A man wants to marry purity but is in constant search of lust outside his marriages from women that he labels “whores” and “easy to get,” then justifies his acts by saying that “his male nature authorizes infidelities because men have needs and these needs must be fulfilled.”
And none of us, damned as the “gentle sex,” are entitled to an opinion. If we voice any opinion, we are labeled “sensual women” or “women with no dignity.”
I want to make this very clear: if I, or any girl or woman, talked about sex-related topic, it is not because of sexual oppression or “asking for it,” we talk about sex-related topics from a gender equality lens and because we are so sick and tired of gender discrimination that justifies men treating women as sex slaves and referencing them as “dirty or clean lollipops.”