I find things sometimes in my notes. This is one of the things:
Maybe if we stayed here for a little while
Nights upon us, and there is not one star in the hollow bleak sky
Yet you can’t seem to focus on anything but it, the sky, whether it shows signs of rain
Maybe if you looked at me the way you looked at the sky and pinpointed the constellations
Maybe if you looked me
And noticed
Maybe then I can say I am happy
Maybe if it weren’t you that made me laugh for two hours at nothing in particular
If it weren’t you who listened to the story of my life and smiled at the details
If it weren’t you who got me yogurt and told me it tastes like all the bad things in the world
Maybe then that I can I finally tell you that I’m happy
Maybe then that I can tell you you’re mine
But how can I when you’re not?
How can I talk about you to my friends and let them share you with me?
Is it not sharing you with the sky you so dearly, not enough?
How can I simply tell them;
“Here he is, the almighty, smiling at me and making me happy”
They might want you to smile at them the way you smile at me
And that would kill me.
(I wonder how accurate this might still be)