Hi there,
I just noticed that I haven’t posted anything here for four days, not sure why. Life, I guess?
Update on Thursday; it was a really good day. It’s always a good day when I’m out of the office and doing more fieldwork and seeing the people we are impacting; it’s the breather I truly needed.
Have I ever mentioned to you how much I love visiting the houses of people? Walking in their things, getting the chance to see life in their shoes, getting to hear their stories through their little bookshelves or that one chair they sit in.
Especially if it’s someone you love, it becomes more of “wow, I want to meet their mum, I want to see the littlest thing that indicates they were here, I want to hear and see and touch everything that has anything to do with them.”
Anyway.
I got to be part of the Christmas of four families over the weekend. How beautiful is that? I got to decorate their tree, wash their dishes, set up the table, the lights; I got to talk to them, I got to listen to their stories.
There is nothing more wonderful than people, than being there to people that need you. I don’t see it as selfless because it’s so rewarding; being there for people, it brings more peace than we might even deserve.
I’m in so much peace right now. The wind is cold and brushing my cheeks delicately, and I’m wearing my wool jacket and waiting for the sunset—song on repeat: Si Je Perds – ZAZ. I am in a whole different world; I am so mystic that you can’t reach me.
Two of my friends dreamt of me this week; one dreamt that I was some kind of a manager, and the other dreamt that he visited me in my “castle” using my helicopter because my castle can’t be reached except by a helicopter.
Lol. I love my friends, and I love the way they see me. They think so highly of me even though I am the worst in this friends life, I have a hard time committing to people, and I often am too much of everything that I can go on for weeks without talking to them. I can take them for granted a lot, and then when I lose them, I get upset because I loved their existence in my life, but I’m, I don’t know.
I was apologizing to my friend, who I love so much and who now lives in Canada, because I always promise her to call and I never do, and she said something that I’m still thinking of.
“You are a free spirit; you don’t like to be bounded or put in any frame; you like to stay free, flying outside the cage, and landing whenever you want. To be bounded by a friend and having to ask about them? Being put in that photo frame of happy friends? I can’t imagine how bounding that could make me feel.”
That kind of made sense, a lot. The only thing I’m not so sure of is being a free spirit, even though I get called that a lot. I am more structured than I like to be, and I can be so uptight in so many different ways, but yes, do not put me in any frame, and if I asked to be left alone or wanted my personal space, you better give me that.
There are still 4 minutes till sunset, but I’m not sure I’ll get to see it; there are a lot of clouds, and the only thing I could see for now is a tiny light behind the many many clouds. That’s okay; I could still feel the sunset, the “give me your pain, all your pain, let it set with me” feeling I get during sunsets.